Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Body Image with Blogger: Plus Size and beyond

Time to get serious. 
Here's a picture of a baby hedge hog to get you through all this serious talk. 


Are we all cuteed-up? Excellent.
I wanted to touch on something that I've really been a part of my entire life. 
Body image. 
Now I'm not going to get all gushy on you about how I was always so depressed at my weight and yadda yaddda yadda. I think that junk is just...junk. I will tell you, however, that no one could pay me to return to middle school, or high school. The amount of money would be in the trillions. 
And it wasn't only because of body image, no no no. Self esteem really only outwardly plagued me for my freshman and sophomore year. My junior year I was thin, and my senior year, I could have not even given a single rat's ass what anyone at that school thought of me. But I digress.

Freshman year of college, I gained what I think may have been 50 pounds. That doesn't sound like a lot until it's on you. It was living on the campus+all the cafeteria food+never working out. I was super uncomfortable with myself, and I sort of felt like a freshman in high school again. For those of you who are in college/have graduated college, then you may get what I say when I say "freshman mentality". When you're a freshman in college, you still act like you're in high school. If you were quiet in high school, that's how you are the first year of college. If you were a bitchy little whore-twat in high school, well, you'll be one for another year. 
After that, college literally slaps you in the face and says SHUT UP. NO ONE CARES.
And no one does. People are too busy running around trying to graduate on time to care what you look like, or what you're wearing. The one's who still snark at you are either freshman, or have way too much free time on their hands. 

I thought something that may help me get my style act together, and maybe be a fun little side-project, would be blogging.
I started this blog back in November of 2011, started posting in December, and I don't think the first actually full body shots came until around January of 2012. I was still learning about my camera, my self-timer, and most important of all, how to pose so I didn't look huge. 
Being a plus-size girl, I was kind of nervous to start what was going to be a fashion blog. All I had seen on these blogs were images of GORGEOUS ladies, who looked like they may have never eaten in their entire lives. I really don't consider myself attractive, and I knew I could never look like those other bloggers. I am actually still kind of afraid to post on LOOKBOOK, knowing that the audience there is just a wee bit harsher than that of blogger. But it still bummed me out sometimes, knowing that I'll never look like those other bloggers.

I've had some time to myself recently, considering my recent computer crash. And I've come to a new conclusion.
Who gives an absolute fuck? Seriously? Who even cares what you look like? If you like how YOU look, then don't change a thing. Unless you need to do so for health reasons, don't lose weight. If you feel beautiful, then you ARE beautiful.
 If you want to buzz the entire side of your head and bleach it, go for it. Make a punk statement in your own head. 
Dress how you want to dress! There's nothing holding you back but YOU. If anyone says anything about you, giggles near you, points, snarks, or otherwise: smile, wave, and say hello. Make them uncomfortable! Their opinions are completely irrelevant to you, because you're style is fucking rad.
There's nothing wrong with creating something all your own, and calling it fashion. And I encourage you to do so. 
I've adopted this theory over the past couple weeks, and dressing kind of outrageous. Because I could.
Recently, I weighed myself. I don't really know why I did it, I hadn't in a while. I had lost about 12 pounds. I have adult ADHD, a continuing diagnosis from when I was 10. I've been taking adderall to help me concentrate more on school. If you've ever been on ADHD pills yourself, you may notice that you can't eat. It's not that you're hungry, it's that you are sick when you try. I lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks, because I was hardly able to consume ANYTHING. I lost an entire pant size. 

I'm losing weight not because I feel like I have to. I'm doing it because I want to. Because I feel like I could benefit from losing a good bit of weight, as far as my health. And because I want to be able to wear all different kinds of clothes, not just clothes that fit "larger" girls. Looking like other bloggers will never be possible for me. And I don't even care about that. 
I want to look like me.

You're all beautiful. Don't forget it.
XOXO
-Trina Belle

2 comments:

  1. Your post made me fill up! Sorry for the girliness. I share alot of your experiences, and what you said is damn right true. Lotsv love, this post is brilliant, hope lotsv people read it xxxxxx

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